Post by Tmaria333 on Apr 15, 2018 0:00:21 GMT -5
My voice to skull torment initially began about 3 years ago, at the age of 34. It came on practically overnight. One day my life was normal, wonderful, in fact, and the next I felt as if I were living in a science fiction horror story. At first, I started hearing conversations. Oddly enough, often on the verge of sleep, I would hear my boyfriend at the time and his two 17 and 18 year old daughters. It was so strange because I never thought about his daughters. They were always very rude to me, but they just weren't a part of my thought process or even on my radar. I would hear them either having mundane conversation or they would be talking about me, as though they could see and hear me. Reacting to my actions. Though the voices were clearly theirs, they sounded very electronic and a bit exaggerated. As if it was a cartoon villian version of themselves, filtered through a computer program. At one point, I clearly heard my ex, talking about how he had stumbled upon, online, a device that he could use to spy on me with. He was talking to his daughters and they all were worried because at the time I was at the hospital demanding a pelvic exam. I heard my ex explain that he had purchased the device for a hundred bucks and inserted it into my vagina. (Most of you won't believe me, but I am certain that he DID indeed do that. I felt it. I felt it inside of me afterwards, and felt the sensation of an electronic "string" coming out of me. I was and am of sound mind) He and his daughters sounded concerned and afraid that the doctor would discover this device. I said out loud (I was alone in the exam room) "I can't grasp what you are telling me. I am hearing disembodied voices that no one else can hear, and I'm scared and confused. If this is true, if you did what you said you did, text my phone telling me so." I immediately received a text message from him reading simply "yes". I then asked out loud "where the fuck did you find this thing?" Another text stating "Google". I saved those texts. Needless to say, of course nothing was found aside from the nurse saying "you have a round spot of discoloration on your cervix, but that is normal." I was then hospitalized in the psychiatric unit. I had no idea what targeting was, or that others were suffering in this way. But I knew then, as I know now, that this was NOT a part of me. That it was something that invaded me, that violated my most sacred space. My mind. I also knew undoubtedly that it was a form of very dark and diabolical technology. From the moment it began it felt and sounded incredibly electronic.When I began to verbalize the conversations I heard to my ex, he would often know specific details about what was said. He also told me in person that "something bad" had happened to me and that maybe I should leave the area. I began hearing a constant, electronic buzzing/whining sound all the time. The voices I was hearing increased and I could no longer differentiate specific people, or conversations. They became mocking, taunting, abusive. There were layers upon layers of voices, a cacophony. They told me to kill myself, I was ugly, etc. I also heard the sing-song taunt "ha ha ha ha ha" all the time. One of the most disturbing was that I would hear two people, a man and a woman, having sex. It usually sounded like my ex. It wasn't just auditory, I could actually FEEL sexual stimulation during these times. Around this time, my ex's daughters began stalking me. They would show up wherever I went, and I would leave my phone at home so it wasn't due to gps on that. My sister witnessed this on several occasions. It was terrifying. I ended up in the hospital again, for a week. They stopped showing up everywhere after that but I still got the feeling of being watched by them. I now realize that I wasn't necessarily hearing them all of those times, but considering how cruel his youngest daughter was to me, it was easy to feel like it really was them. I also had terrible physical symptoms. Feeling like I was being electricuted, like I was having a heart attack. I would see a blue light flash before my eyes. I started thinking in sentences and was constantly aware of being under observation. Of my very thoughts being read. I experience the most intense, bone crushing fatigue, to the point of having to drag myself out of bed. I could sleep for 14 hours and still feel tired and achy. The voices were so distracting that my job was suffering. I actually ended up taking a low dose of an antipsychotic, although I never for a moment thought this was from my own mind. But it does help keep the voices at Bay. I still hear them. But can't really make out what they are saying. Not usually, although occasionally it will be clear enough. This nearly killed me. Though I knew how it began and that it was a foriegn entity, I wasn't aware of TIs until I started doing some investigating online. Understanding a little better made it a bit more tolerable but I still felt hopeless and suicidal much of the time. It wasn't until I got pregnant and had my beautiful baby girl that I felt any reason to go on living. She truly saved me. Took my focus off of it quite a bit. But it still is hell and I wish it would end.
